Right now, I'm currently living with a situation that I didn't anticipate. I'm the only employed person in my household right now. I won't sugar coat it, it feels like a heavy burden to carry.
Anthony has been angry with me for months that I made him take a job at a school that he didn't want last fall. That job ended a couple of days ago. He's on the search for a new job but waiting for that process to play out creates some extra pressure. I'm trying to not think about it too much.
Payton, who is Anthony's friend staying with us for a few weeks, is also unemployed. There was a thought process on our part when we let him stay that he would take advantage of the opportunity to go find a job and be self sustaining. At this point, the investment we've made in his staying here has not paid off in the way we had hoped. To his credit, he's been a very polite house guest and it's been fine to have him here. He takes out the garbage, goes to bed early, is quiet when we're sleeping, and is nice to Lucky. He's just not motivated by anything except spending all day wandering around downtown with his girlfriend and goofing off. He's 18 and not the first guy I've met that age that functions like he does. Maybe that was a misguided expectation on my part to think that he'd be wanting to conquer the world. I figured it didn't hurt to try which is why I agreed to this in the first place.
The learning experience I've gained from this playing out, is that there is a point when I have to try and not worry about other people's problems even if I have great love for them. It reminds me of the handful of times I've been on an airplane and the flight attendant's instructions always include telling passengers that if the oxygen masks drop down during a flight to put it on your own face first, before helping the person next to you. It feels mean to view life in this way but it's real. Placing my self imposed expectations on someone else isn't fair to them and not productive. It's a struggle to reprogram myself to think this way, but I'm giving it a try.
I have made a million (probably more) mistakes in my life. I don't have all of the answers. But, I've also learned that I'm an unusual person because I have always made working my number one focus. It's the reason why I haven't taken a vacation day since July 2010. I haven't felt like I've been able to afford to take a day off. That self pressure is my own thing but it's been the one constant in my life. But, I won't stop trying. Working is really the one thing that I'm good at. I show up every day and no matter how good or bad a day at work is, I am as cheerful as possible and grateful that I am there.
In a misguided effort to help some of the broke-ness at my house, I did try to win a little money last night at Casino Del Sol with $45 in free play. That was unsuccessful as well. It's my first (and maybe only) visit to a casino this year. I thought maybe I had saved up some luck but not so much. I live on hope and faith half the time that life will give me a break, so I gave it a shot.
I do get to sleep in on Monday for Memorial Day since that's a company holiday. That feels like I've won something. Sometimes it's the little things that make a big difference.
|Night time photo of Casino Del Sol Resort|
with the hotel tower on the left and casino on the right.
No money to take home on this visit but it's a lovely place to look at.